tshirthell.com letters

2006 is not off to a good start. Almost a million people were gathered
in
Times Square with a clean shot at Regis Philbin, and not one of them
had the
guts to take him out.


[Happy New Shirts 2006!]

We've decided to kick off the New Year with a slew of new shirts.
Celebrate
a Happy Fucking New Year with all sorts of fucking new shirts about
fucking.
We have shirts about orgies, dog fucking, and sucking yourself. Plus,
dirty
Jews, clean Brits,dead wives, free juicers, and all of your black
friends.

All of our new shirts are here:

http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/newshirt572.htm

If you're an AOL user, or unable to click the link above, copy and
paste it
into your browser.


[It's Not Easy Being Green, and That's Good]

With America losing The War on Drugs, Terror and even Christmas, it's
nice
to see we're winning The War on something: our environment.

Global warming is increasing, the oil reserves are drying up, and we
lose
another endangered species every five minutes. I could not be happier.
Destroying the environment is good.

Let me put it another way. Let's say Jessica Alba's ass is the Arctic
National Wildlife Refuge. Sure it looks perfect and pristine. But
honestly, how much better would it look if someone was tapping it, am I
right?

Global warming may lead to extreme weather. But extreme weather leads
to
extremely entertaining video. I never get tired of watching some shaky
amateur footage and hearing someone say, "Gee, maybe we should have
evacuated."just before they scream and the screen goes black. Plus,
in
spite of the cheesy disaster anthems, we often get a couple excellent
disaster relief concerts.

It's good to use up all of the oil now instead of leaving it for future
generations. You know they would squander it. Why should we deprive
ourselves of topless hot oil wrestling just so some future generation
can
fuel their jetpack to go to school? Let's find a new energy source
buried
in Arkansas, or some pushover country like Denmark.

Killing endangered species might seem wrong. But unless we kill them,
we're
never going to know if their blood contains the cure for cancer, or if
their
guts can make a better tennis racket, or if their liver tastes like a
bit of
heaven; smeared on a cracker with a dollop of creme fraiche.

Destroying the environment is progress. Anyone who disagrees better be
living naked in a cave. And I don't know what they're living on,
because
last time I checked you needed to kill something if you wanted to eat.
The
government scientists are never going to get off their asses and build
really cool dome houses on Mars, unless we completely devastate and use
up everything here on Earth.

So, climb into your SUV, light up your cigar, and drive down the street
to
pick up your teak end tables. And if on your way you see a rare grey
squirrel crossing the road, steer into him. Do your part.


[Let's Make 2006 the Hatiest Year Ever!]

----- Original Message -----

From: Fermidha
Sent: Monday, December 19, 2005 5:00 AM
Subject: RE:The Koran

Dear Sir/Madam,

Why are the American people on the whole determined to destroy and put
down
the religion of Islam.
Could it be that this beautiful religion makes you nervous?
Could it be that this beautiful religion has all the answers where
yours
could not give you a straight and true answer even if all your
religious
leaders tried?
You would not see a Muslim degrading the Christian religion and do you
know
why? Because we respect other religions and your prophets are our
prophets.

This is just to tell you please think carefully before you insult our
religion, because in doing that you are also insulting your prophets
who are
also part of our religion.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS

Regards,
Fermidha

(Editor's Note: You refer to me as sir/madam because you didn't know
who'd
be receiving this. I'm going to refer to you as sir/madam because your
name
is Fermidha, which sounds like some overly spiced food dish that will
leave
me howling on the toilet all night and yet provides no clue as to your
gender. So, to answer your question sir/madam, no one is out to destroy
your
religion. We're out to make money by selling shirts that only a
mentally
challenged caveman would think was powerful enough to bring down an
entire
religion. If shirts wielded that kind of magical power I'd be enjoying
a
good fuck in all 3 of my major orifices by solid gold penises, while
watching a panda fight an alligator for my amusement. Currently I can
only
afford 2 solid gold penises. Now go get angry while us regular folks
stay
perfectly calm and laugh. Oh, and try not to fly a plane into our
website.
And if Islam holds all of the answers, ask it where I left the extra
set of
keys to my beach house on Maui.)